so..um this week has been quite boring actually..i missed skool..i missed me pals...i missed doing homework during holidays..never thought i'll missed that,huh? well..it's the little things that just brightens ur day.hmm..my ct is planning an outing but i dun think it will turn out. well let's just see, hor? then my og oso planning one bt no response so it's cancelled. well..posting results is this sat n i can't wait for it.

i'm quite confused actually..on one hand, i want 2 go 2 a jc (nyjc) coz i love it and i like the environment there...they have friendly teachers and so on...but on the other hand, if i go to a jc, i'll b wondering if i made the rite choice..thinking what if poly was better 4 me. thinking mayb i'll fare better in poly than in jc. from the start eversince i stepped in2 2nd-dary skool, i've always wanted 2 go 2 a jc, no matter what ppl say bout me or my skool(c i come from an average skool - yishun sec) and then from there, i'll go 2 an overseas university to study biznes mgt...but after the 3 months thingy and the results being out,i felt what would it be like 2 b in a poly coz all my life, i'm focused on going 2 a jc that i ignored the alternative. i'm confusing myself with all these question that during the choosing of choices, i had to spend more than 3 days figuring it out.and this bothers me alot...coz i'm a person who hates decision making even if a shrink were 2 b here and asked me what do i want in life, all i can say is "I have no FUCKING idea!!" oops..my bad. well as you can see, i'm practically a clueless person who doesn't know what to do wif her life.i dun know what's best 4 me either. sumtime i look back and asked myself. is education really that important? is that what i want, to study and b successful? i juz don know what 2 do wif my life. all i know is that i want 2 help ppl..i dun care what i do as long as i can get a job. i'll do any jobs(that are decent of course) offered 2 me. i dun care bout the pay. "mayb 4 now u'll feel like that coz ur parent are supporting u. wait till u have ur own family 2 take care of then you'll know how tough it is." some will say when i give that ans but all i can do is just shrugged my shoulders. but enuf of my miserable life..i finally made the choice of putting poly as my first choice coz it's safer(i think) with my result being like that. and nyjc as my 2nd choice. so i hope Allah will help me and lead me to the rite path and give me the right choice.

ok moving on...have u ever felt useless in ur life? coz 4 me, i always feel like it. sometimes, i feel like my life is a big joke like i'm a living puppet or sumthin. no, no one is controlling me or anything.it's just that sumtimes u just get sick of life n feel like u juz wanna shun out the world..coz u just feel so tired of it. k..i may nt make a lot of sense or even any sense at all so u guys can ignore me here as i tend to babble easily. i feel useless but i have no reason to tell y. doesn't make sense rite? so i'll stop it...k recently i wrote this 2 short poem:

1)4 years has passed,

And I'm still not over you.

What is it that made me like you,

Till now I have no clue.

2)A coward I maybe,

For not telling you about how I feel.

A fool you are,

For not realising it.

i wrote it for a guy i've been crushing on for the past 4 yrs eversince i saw him during my sec 1 yrs till now. now i still like him but no i have not tell him yet. the 2nd poem is quite harsh coz i wrote it when i saw him outside and he ignored me, on purpose or not i dunno. mayb it's my fault 4 nt telling him,huh? well 4 yrs is lot of time..sumtime i thought of 4getting him and move on and get 2 know other ppl. but it's impossible. i mayb wasting my time on a silly crush but i dun care. coz evrytime i tried to hate him, his face keep re-appearing in my head and i gave in. that's when this poem came in:

I tried different ways to forget you,

But I can't seem to do it.

Coz everytime I tried to hate you,

I fell even deeper for you.

Well, i've written quite long haven't i so i'll stop babbling now..catch u guys later or when i get my results.

ciao!